STORY: The most common causes of divorce include: poor communication, financial problems, a lack of commitment to the marriage, a dramatic change in priorities, infidelity. Other causes include: failed expectations or unmet needs, addictions and substance abuse, physical or sexual or emotional abuse, lack of conflict resolution skills.
Background:
Presently, there are about 70,000 divorces in Canada each year. The US has the highest divorce rates in the world, closely followed by Sweden and Canada. In these three countries, 40 to 50% of all marriages eventually end in a divorce. The Canadian divorce rate by the 30th anniversary was 51% in 1987 but dropped to 38% in 2000. The decrease is partly due to the decision of many couples not to marry but to live together without marriage.
80% of divorced people remarried and two-thirds of them divorced again.
The Roman Catholic Church does not allow divorce; marriage can only be terminated by annulment.
o Marriage was established, sanctioned and witnessed by God (Gen 2:18; Mt 19:6).
o Marriage is God’s unique gift to reveal the union between Christ and His Church.
o Marriage is a continuation of the divine work of creation through procreation of the human race (Gen 4:1).
o Marriage provides for the well being of human beings (Gen 2:20-24; Mk 10:6-9).
o Marriage is a blessing that provides intimate companionship (Gen 2:18), the channel for sexual expression according to biblical standards.
a union or a bond (“one flesh”) (Gen 2:24; Mt 19:4-5). The Bible describes every act of mutually consenting sexual relationship as becoming “one flesh” (1Co 6:16). Moreover, it signifies the bonding or uniting of the two in a life-long relationship. Mt 19:6 emphasizes the divine element in establishing the bond.
o Marriage is an essential, sacred institution, a cornerstone of society.
o Marriage is a respectable and honourable institution (Heb 13:4) [note also God’s warning against sexual relations outside marriage].
o Marriage is a life-long commitment; the word “cleave” (Heb. dabaq) means “to cling to, be glued firmly” indicating a permanent relationship intrinsic in dissolubility of marriage.
o Marriage has priority over all other human relationships. It is the replacement of one relationship (child-parent) with another (husband-wife).
Gen 2:24 states that with marriage, a man leaves his father and mother. The word “leave” (Heb. azab) means more than departure; it means “to forsake or refuse”. Though it does not mean that a husband and wife no longer can have any relationship with their parents, the marriage relationship must.
o Marriage should be monogamous (Gen 2:24). Although polygamy was sometimes practised in the OT, it is not the divinely ordained norm. [see question below]
o Marriage is not a requirement for perfection of personhood, and is not a necessity for fulfilment in God’s highest purpose.
o A Christian should not marry a non-Christian (2Co 6:14; 1Co 7:39).
Biblical priciples on marriage (Free Methodist Church of Canada)
Sexual intercourse is God’s gift to humanity, but only for the intimate union of a man and woman within the marriage covenant. In this relationship, it is to be celebrative (Heb 13:4). Scripture requires purity before marriage and faithfulness within marriage. Likewise, it condemns all unnatural sexual behaviour such as incestuous abuse, child molestation, homosexual activity and prostitution (1Co 6.9; Ro 1:26-27).
Marriage should be formalized with public vows. It is not enough for a couple to live together in private commitment; we believe that they are to covenant before God and the state.
In accordance with the apostle’s command (2Co 6:14), we expect Christians to marry only believers. Ministers who unite believers to unbelievers go contrary to the explicit teachings of the Scriptures.
Healing Troubled Marriages
The church which is alive to God has spiritual resources for marriages in trouble. The chief resources are the renewing power of the Holy Spirit and the Word, prayer and the sacraments, counsel and support. Through the church’s ministry, God can bring healing and reconciliation.
Therefore, if our members find their marriage in crisis, we encourage them to seek the counsel of the pastor and submit to the guidance of the church. Professional Christian counsel may be necessary.
We recognize that domestic violence, emotional and/or physical, does occur in church-related families. It often jeopardizes the safety of a spouse or children and may threaten life itself. These family members need both spiritual and emotional healing (Mal 2:13-16).
When an impossible situation is destroying the home, we advise that Christians may separate. In such cases, the way to reconciliation must be kept open (1Co 7:10-11). Even when a marriage is violated by sexual infidelity, the partners are encouraged to work for restoration of the union.
· In Canada, a couple is deemed to be married after living together for an extended period of time.
· It is not a proper Christian model and is equivalent to fornication, clearly a sin.
· Marriage is established through legal contract and pledged vows, not just by living together.
· Cohabiting unions tend to weaken the institution of marriage and pose a clear danger to the security of women and children. Cohabiting women are twice as likely as married women to be physically abused and three times as likely to be depressed.
Biblical principles on divorce (Free Methodist Church of Canada)
When one marriage partner is a Christian and the other a non-believer, we believe that the Christian may not for that reason divorce the non-believer spouse (1Co 7:12-13), because Christian love may redeem the unbeliever and unite the home in Christ (1Co 7:16).
Desertion is the abandoning of a marriage without just cause. When a non-believer that deserts a Christian spouse deliberately and for an extended period of time, the deserted partner is no longer bound by the marriage (1Co 7:15).
When a marriage is violated by sexual infidelity, the partners are encouraged to work for restoration of the union. Where reconciliation is impossible, a divorce may be allowed. (Mt 5:32; 19:9)
Though the Scriptures allow divorce on the grounds of adultery (Mt 5:32) and desertion (1Co 7:10-16), it does not mandate divorce and we advise counsel with church leaders to seek other alternatives. One of these may be for both to live celibately.
Recovery After Divorce
Divorce always produces trauma. It is the breaking of a covenant, thus violating God’s intention for faithfulness in marriage (Mal 2:13-16). For this reason divorced persons should be helped to understand and remedy the causes for the divorce. They should seek pastoral counsel. Professional Christian counsel may also be necessary. Repentance and forgiveness are crucial to recovery.
· According to this argument, divorce is always contrary to the Biblical view.
· This position needs to explain the clauses allowing divorces in Mt 5:31-32; 19:9 (also Mk 10:11 and Lk 16:18) in one of 6 ways:
· This position was held by many early church fathers. Mt 19:9 only allows for divorce but not remarriage. [but these verses discuss Dt 24 which talks about both divorce and remarriage]
· Only the death of a spouse can dissolve a marriage bond.
· Jesus’ exception allows couples to separate in cases of porneia (adultery) but neither spouse can remarry. The only option is for the couple to reconciliate.
· Also, the Pauline Privilege (1Co 7:15) does not allow deserted believers to remarry.
· This argument also uses Dt 24:1-4 and kinship argument to define the indissolubility of marriage.
· This position can be summed up into:
o divorce for any cause PLUS remarriage is adultery,
o divorce because of porneia is acceptable, but no remarriage is allowed,
o whoever divorces a woman forces her into adultery if she remarries, unless the divorce is because of her porneia, in that case she was already adulterous,
o whoever marries a divorcée commits adultery.
· When certain sins are committed, divorce and remarriage are morally permissible.
· The marriage bond can be broken as death breaks it.
· Adultery or desertion of non-believing spouse break the bond.
· Divorce and/or remarriage are never morally obligatory. Reconciliation is the preferable response.
o “Marital unfaithfulness” (NIV) or “fornication” (KJV): The Greek word used for “fornication” (porneias) refers to habitual sexual immorality and has the same root as “prostitute” (porne), implying all kinds of sexual immorality (including adultery, homosexuality, incest, etc.) which desecrates the marriage relationship. [This is different from moicheia (adultery) in Mt 15:19.]
o Yet, where reconciliation is impossible, the partners are encouraged to work for restoration of the union.
o It is important, therefore, that a believer accepts divorce only as a last resort and never as a reason to marry someone else. When one partner of a divorce has become involved in adultery, the offended spouse is permitted, though not required, to get a divorce.
o The word “indecent” in Dt 24:1-2 refers to indecency or impropriety of behaviour short of adultery as adultery in the Old Testament was punishable by death.
o God divorced His bride (Israel) because of adultery (unfaithfulness, idolatry) (Jer 3:8).
o Desertion is the abandoning of a marriage without just cause.
o If a non-believing spouse desert the family for an extended period of time, the believer may agree to a divorce and will not be “under bondage”. The believer is then guilty of no wrong. However, such decision should only be made after attempts at forgiveness and reconciliation have been rejected.
o “Desertion” may also mean persistence of physical abuse, drunkenness, lack of financial support.
· If a Christian couple is truly incompatible and if all attempts of reconciliation fail, legal separation (not divorce) may be the solution.
C&MA Manual on Remarriage
Remarriage is never commanded; it is in some cases only permitted. Divorced persons who have scriptural grounds for remarriage should enter into such remarriage only with the greatest caution. Seldom is there a marriage failure for any cause in which one of the partners is “completely innocent.” The applicant for remarriage should demonstrate an attitude of repentance for any part he may have had in the original failure. He should receive counselling from the church so as to avoid repeating destructive attitudes and action.
C&MA Manual on Divorce
When an adulterous relationship has brought about a divorce, the party who is innocent of adultery has a right to remarry. The words of Jesus, “Whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication,” implies the right of remarriage. When He adds, “And whosoever shall marry her that is divorced (the guilty party) committeth adultery” (Mt 5:32), the right to marry anyone guilty of adultery is denied and also to marry anyone who obtained a divorce for the express purpose of remarriage (Mk 10:11-12).
[Kwing Hung: Such analysis appears illogical for the following reason.It cannot be argued that the non-guilty party can remarry because the bond is broken, yet for the guilty party the marriage bond still exists so that remarriage is equal to adultery. The verses quoted above refers to a different situation: If the marriage bond is not broken by fornication, whoever marries (both spouses), even after formal divorce, commits adultery; but if the marriage contract is broken, the act of remarriage does not mean adultery.]
C&MA Manual on Remarriage
Remarriage on grounds of desertion alone is not permitted (1Co 7:11) “But if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.” In other words, if the unbelieving, deserting party is not deceased and does not remarry, neither should the one who has been deserted remarry.
[Kwing Hung: 1Co 7:11 is about separation between believers, v.12-15 is about non-believing spouse; v.15 clearly specifies that “a believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances.” If the divorced believer is not allowed to remarry, he/she will then be bound by what happened to the non-believing spouse, that is, the believer can only remarry when the non-believing spouse dies or remarries. Such restriction does not follow Paul’s instruction of “not bound”.]
C&MA Manual on Remarriage
Persons who remarry after being divorced on other than scriptural grounds are guilty before God of adultery. Such marriages should not be performed by a Christian clergyman.
The remarriage that was entered into wrongly constituted an act of adultery that broke the former marriage. With his former marriage, then, having been dissolved, the remarried person is responsible to be faithful to his new contract. Having broken the former marriage, he is “living in adultery” only if he is unfaithful to his present marriage contract.
[Kwing Hung: that is, the remarriage is an act of adultery, not a continuous condition of adultery.]
o If remarriage is held under these circumstances, some form of discipline should be included, such as public repentence. C&MA Manual does not allow such remarriage to be solemnized by a pastor.
C&MA Manual on Divorce
A believer who knowingly secures a divorce on other than scriptural grounds, or a believer who knowingly marries someone who was divorced on other than scriptural grounds, or a believer whose divorce was granted on other than scriptural grounds and who remarries, should be disciplined by the church and be granted full privileges of Christian fellowship only after a demonstration of genuine repentance for deliberate departure from scriptural standards.